I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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