i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
well you can't waste a boner
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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