Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
