I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
