I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We have started to decorate penises.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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