Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
