Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
