Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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