It's Friday. Sex?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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