ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
