I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
