I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
