Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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