Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
