i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
