some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize