Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize