Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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