I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
