i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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