You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
