I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
