I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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