why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
false alarm, still single
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
