Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
