Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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