I wish I only lived at night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
