the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
