So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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