No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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