I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
