You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
