the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
