I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
