Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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