I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize