I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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