Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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