All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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