Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
