I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
