i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
