I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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