Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
