This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
false alarm. still invincible.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
