wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
