Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
