Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
