just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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