theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
