Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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