Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
