Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
