Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
