So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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