I think i peed on brittanys purse
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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