i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
