You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Still dying that you shit outside
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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