You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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