____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
