I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Pooping to opera.
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