Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize