i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
