Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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