He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
