i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
