I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
